I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
