Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
