We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
