And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
