Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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