dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
