My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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