Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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