do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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