Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
