Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
