Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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