One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
