you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
