is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
