We're facebook friends in real life
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
