John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
