Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
