Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
