He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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