LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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