She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I can't put those talents on a resume
They have beer where we have blood.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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