I need help removing her.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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