I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
