Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
