I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
