New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
