I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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