3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
