Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
