do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
