R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
