I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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