I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
