Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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