She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
