That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
