the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
