it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
