Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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