taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
