here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
