Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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