the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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