True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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