is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
