Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's blow job season.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
