You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
