Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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