no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
God, I missed his penis.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
