I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
party gras won. party gras always wins.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
