As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
