Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
