you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
