Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
