He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She said her name was "party"
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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