is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Randomize
