this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
