I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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