dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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