lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He shit in the fireplace
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
