I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
