ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
