I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
